I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
