it hurts more in the daytime
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
