Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
