I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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