naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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