Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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