we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
