I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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