I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
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