you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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