respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Randomize
