Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
