i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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