But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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