If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
