I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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