sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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