Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
