Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
