i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
