Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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