She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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