do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
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