I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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