I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I just forgot I was standing up.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Randomize
