Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
