Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
and she was petting her beer can
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
