HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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