I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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