I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
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