I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
