i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Randomize
