You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
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