Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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