white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
As shirtless as possible
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
