She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
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