Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Randomize
