all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
