I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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