morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
