First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
