i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
