1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
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She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
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Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
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