Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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