it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
