Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
