becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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