theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
