Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
