my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
