dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
