I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
