Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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