it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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