I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Randomize
