look no pants
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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