Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
Randomize
