I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
