I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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