Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
Randomize
