i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
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But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
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I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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