I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize