Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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