Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
