Her vagina should come with caution tape.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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