I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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