your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
