We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Randomize
