I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
