i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
