so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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