She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Randomize
