I'm lost and stupid without you.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
