My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Randomize
