i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
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