i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
